Turn back Jesus Christ’s boat
Posted by John, August 15th, 2012 - under Asylum seekers, Refugees.
In a shock poll result 83% of Australian Christians have agreed that it would be appropriate to turn Jesus Christ’s boat back to where it came from.
Tony Abbott, spokesperson for the Church of Hater Day Sinners, was outraged that the figure wasn’t 100%.
‘These illegal immigrants just have to learn that they can’t waltz in here and get a free ride on our special brand of cruel and unnecessary poverty,’ he said.
Mr Abbot expressed hope that that when Jesus was sent to Nauru he could learn some English. ‘Aramaic? I mean who speaks Aramaic?’ Mr Abbott asked. “This is Australia. We speak English here,’ Mr Abbott added.
‘But really,’ Mr Abbot said, ’the solution is to tow the boats back to where they came from.’
‘Jesus would enjoy his time back in Palestine. Who knows, with his skills, he might even get a job there and move away from the bludging lifestyle living off others that he currently has’ Mr Abbott mused. ‘If the Israelis let him back into his country,’ he added.
‘We don’t want Jesus taking good Aussie jobs away from Clive or Gina, do we?” he asked.
‘He just needs to go to the back of the queue and line up like the good Englishmen he should aspire to be,’ Mr Abbot said.
‘The queue is somewhere over there’, he said, waving his hand airily in the direction of north. ‘And with the no advantage test in place, Jesus won’t be able to get out of Nauru until the Palestinians can return to their homelands,’ Mr Abbott said. ‘That should give him a lifetime for contemplation,’ he added .
The abolition of family reunions for the likes of Jesus means that his mother and father won’t be able to come to Australia.
The Prime Minister, Julia Gill Howard, agreed with Mr Abbott.
‘This gives us the opportunity to show we are committed to border protection and stopping the boats,’ Ms Gill Howard said.
‘I am pleased to see Tony and I are as one on this,’ she said.
Jesus wept.
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Comments
Comment from John
Time August 15, 2012 at 4:37 pm
No. I am highighting the false Christianity of the Tony Abbotts of the world, not proclaiming myself a Christian. And I seem to remember Jesus drove the moneylendrs from the temple much as I try to drive the racists from my blog.
Comment from Sam
Time August 15, 2012 at 7:07 pm
Neither funny nor profound.
Pull your socks up, John.
Comment from John
Time August 15, 2012 at 7:39 pm
Yes sir.
Comment from Ewen
Time August 15, 2012 at 9:05 pm
Keep up the good work John.
I was at the rally today and the one at the state library last Sunday, both in Melbourne.
To hear the stories from the refugees breaks my heart and angers me at the governments and their media outlets uncompassionite assault on human life.
The refugees just want a new start in life like the majority of the founders of this country.
I wonder how many of the refugee haters have researched their own family history to find out how many of the forebears escaped to a new life somewhere on the globe.
Comment from John
Time August 15, 2012 at 10:25 pm
Thanks Ewen. It is good to get one supportive comment amongst the mad bigots. And well done to you for going to the rallies and helping keep the issue alive.
Comment from Mel
Time August 16, 2012 at 9:56 am
Hey John, i’d be interested to see the poll you refer to. Is there a link?
~m
Comment from John
Time August 16, 2012 at 10:19 am
Sorry Mel, I thought from the tone of the article people would realise it was a spoof.
Comment from Jack Hartyn
Time August 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm
John,
Is this latest rant supposed to be sarcastic comment on Tony Abbott? Very poor taste!
jack hartyn
Comment from Philip
Time August 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Asylum seekers forced captain to divert to Australia. I can see these people integrating into Australia, They have already shown they are criminals and thugs. JOHN I hope they move in as your next door neighbors, will you keep supporting them then.
Also The Iranian that sexually assaulted 7 girls at the pool in Darwin last year he will make a good neighbor let him play with your grand children.
Comment from John
Time August 16, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Sexual assault? Yes, just like all those catholic priests and the good neighbours they make you mean Philip you vile filthy racist. What a fucking moron associating sexual abuse with nationality (and presumably nudge nudge wink wink religion, and maybe even boat people). Banned from now on from my site. Go and express your free speech in the Australian or with Bolt or Jones. Find a Labor or Liberal club to mutually masturbate your racist nonsense on and with.
And I see you have convicted a group of asylum seekers of a crime without any evidence, investigation or trial. But hey, that is the way with reactionaries isn’t it? Lie and lie and lie and some of the mud sticks.
Comment from John
Time August 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm
Good to see your literary criticism skills remain at their usual high levels.
Comment from Jolly
Time August 21, 2012 at 1:47 am
Jesus would certainly be turned back if he came to Australia. Remember, the external features of the real Jesus was not that of a Caucasian. He was a Middle Eastern Jew (not a Europian Jew) ie he was a brown man. But those with vested interest gave Jesus light brown (sometimes blond) hair and porcelain white complexion so the white obsessed people like us will embrace him and worship him with all our bigotry in tact. Jesus had little and would certainly come by boat. Abbott & Gillard would certainly tow Jesus’ boat back to Indonesia. Abbott was a pious Catholic, now a pious refugee hater. Hmmm … what next.
Comment from Philip
Time August 15, 2012 at 1:37 pm
John – You put a religious spin on the argument yet your language on another thread is neither christian or tolerant is that not rather hypocritical.
http://enpassant.com.au/2012/08/13/houston-we-no-longer-have-a-problem-refugees-do/#comment-37493